How many people can say that they met their soulmate when they were still in elementary school? And, beyond that, how many can say that they’re still with that person more than 20 years later? My life hasn’t been completely about Bren, but a vast majority of it has been. We’ve been together so long, that I don’t think either of us could even comprehend a life without each other. Sure, we tried it once for about a year, but it really didn’t work out well for either of us. Thankfully, we’ll never have to worry about being separated from each other ever again. At least the scientists gave us that much. You probably found me through Killian or someone on the team. Although, I’m guessing it was through Killian. The team doesn’t really talk about their personal lives. It’s too dangerous for the families that they’re a part of. I know Bren wouldn’t talk about me or the kids to anyone that he didn’t know exceptionally well. But, for those of you who don’t know, my name is Alysen Kaity Whittaker. That’s what it’s been since I was 17 years old. Before that my last name was Holloman. I’m the oldest of three children, and the mother of four children. I’m the wife of Brendan Whittaker, and not so long ago, I was also a homicide detective. My life, to me, has been pretty interesting. There are a lot of things you’re going to hear here that you may not expect. Or, rather, probably one thing that you won’t expect that lead to everything else. I don’t think anything will be too cringeworthy to read, but there are some taboos that I’ve broken in my life. If you’re uncomfortable with that, then you should probably find someone else to talk to. Okay, so the beginning… My parents, Jonathan and Marie Holloman. They met in college. There was the whole whirlwind romance thing, and three years after meeting, they got married. They were both still in college, so they didn’t want to start a family right away. Dad wanted to become a neurologist. My mom was in school to become an English professor. My parents met at Harvard, and they stayed together in Cambridge, Massachusetts until after they’d both finished all their schooling. Then they moved back home to a small town in the suburbs of Chicago. The city was called Rockford. Mom started teaching English at Rockford College, and Dad got a job working for one of the three hospitals in the area. They settled into their careers before they decided to try having their first child. They really only wanted one, though. It took a couple years of trying, but then on February 7, 1982, I came into the world. I was two weeks early, but healthy and perfect by all accounts. My parents were ecstatic. I’m not going to give you a whole rundown of my early life. You’d probably be bored to death. Mom took a year off of school so that she could give me the attention she felt I needed. Dad cut down on his hours at work, too. They both wanted to really cherish raising me. When they went back to work, they made sure that I was taken care of by a responsible babysitter. Dad said that they must have interviewed every 20-something in the area before they settled on a 28 year old mother of three. My parents also arranged their schedules so that they could spend as much time with me as they could. Mom took later classes at the college so that she could be with me in the mornings and early afternoons. Dad started working the first shift at the hospital so that he could be home in the mid-late afternoons and put me to bed at night. That’s how my life went until I started school. I was an average child, and my parents lavished attention on me. I was also a very happy child. Even though my parents made a lot of money, and we lived in a huge house, they didn’t spoil me with material possessions. Interactions were always more important. That’s something I’ve continued with my own children. The only real thing of note during my very early life was that I met Spencer Fairbanks when I was three days old. Her family lived next door to ours. It was a pretty exclusive and small neighborhood, only five houses. So those with kids tended to spend a lot of time together. Right from the beginning Spencer and me were best friends. We learned how to crawl and walk together, and then we taught ourselves how to ride bikes and roller skate together. If we were awake, then there was a good chance that we were either outside playing together or at my house playing and hanging out with my mom. Although, by the time we were four, Spencer’s parents were doing their best to keep us apart. They didn’t agree with my parent’s choices for how to raise me, and they were afraid that I’d corrupt Spencer. But they had a hard time keeping us apart. At least until we started school. My parents started working more once I started school. They still made sure to have time with me every day, but I had more time with my babysitter and Spencer. Kindergarten was fun, and I enjoyed having other children to play with every day, but I was always glad to get home. I guess even as a child I was an introvert. Still, I had a lot of friends and good times. Although Spencer’s parents made sure that we wouldn’t be in the same classes together. They forced the school to put her in the opposite classes I was in. Nothing of any interest actually happened until first grade. That’s when we started being introduced to musical instruments and music class. I took to the piano right away. I was told that I’d need one at home if I was going to learn how to play it in band, so a note was sent home with me for my parents. It basically told them that I wanted to play piano, and I needed to have access to one. My parents went out and bought a beautiful white and gold Baby Grand. From that point on, I was required to learn how to play it. I took my lessons seriously, though. I enjoyed learning how to play, and as I got older, I began to get really enthused as my hands became big enough to play all the songs that I couldn’t even begin to master as a younger pianist. Although, my love for the piano was cut drastically short by life events. It was the summer between first and second grade when my parents realized they were having another baby. They sat me down and told me that I’d have a new sibling soon. I was excited with the prospect, but also a little bit worried. I was scared that my parents would love the new baby more than me. My parents tried to reassure me, but those thoughts always lingered in the back of my head. Then, towards the beginning of second grade, my mom went into labor while I was at school. Daddy rushed to the school to pick me up and take me up to the hospital. I waited in the waiting room with my babysitter while Daddy stayed with Mom. We must have been in that waiting room for seven hours before Daddy came to get me. He was crying. I’ll never forget that moment as long as I live. He got down on one knee and pulled me up against his chest. I thought he was gonna squeeze the life out of me, he was hugging me so hard. Then I heard him whisper that Mom had died giving birth to the baby. I didn’t really understand what that meant, but I knew it was bad. That was my very first experience with death. Daddy took me back to the delivery room so that I could see Mom before they took her to the morgue. I was devastated when I saw her. Then we went to see the new baby. Ashley was so perfect. But I blamed her for killing my Mom. I’ll never forget the funeral either. Daddy was holding Ashley throughout the whole ceremony. She slept through it. A lot of Mom’s students — both former and current — went to the funeral to pay their respects. There were a lot of people there, but I didn’t really care. I just wanted my Mom back. Spencer and her family came, and I clung to my best friend until her parents dragged her home. Then I was left to deal with my grief on my own. Daddy was busy with guests and Ashley. I put flowers on the casket before it was lowered into the ground. Pink roses. Two of them. One for me and one for Ashley. Afterwards we went home, and life was never really the same again. Dad took an extended leave from work to take care of Ashley for the first year of her life. Then, when he went back to work, my babysitter took on the responsibility of taking care of both of us. Dad threw himself into his work during the week. But, on the weekends, he was always home with us and doing things with us. And even though I didn’t want to, Daddy made me start practicing my piano again. Slowly life got back to some semblance of normal. Or some kind of new normal that didn’t include my mom. A lot of nights I’d go to bed telling myself that she was teaching a night class, and that she’d be the one to wake me up in the morning. Of course that never happened, but it did help me fall asleep for a while until I could face not having Mom around anymore. We moved almost exactly two years after Mom’s death. Daddy couldn’t stand being in the house without her. There were too many painful memories for both him and me. I didn’t want to leave Spencer. She was the only person I had to talk to, and she was the only person I felt comfortable sharing my deepest secrets with. Daddy promised that I’d still get to see her, but I knew I wouldn’t. Her parents hated me, but I didn’t have a choice. So the house was sold and we moved to the neighboring Machesney Park. There was a new subdivision being built, so Daddy bought one of those smaller, but really nice houses. There were three bedrooms, a huge living room, family room, den… It was almost as nice as the house we lived in before, but only one story with a basement instead of three stories and no basement. My babysitter couldn’t come with us. She was already driving quite a ways to watch Ashley and me, but driving further wasn’t in the cards for her. So Daddy started interviewing new babysitters for us. I was 10 years old by then, so it was more for Ashley than it was for me. She was only two at that point. The new babysitter that Daddy got for us was a 22 year old named Danielle. She was okay, but she’s also the reason I did what I did a few years later. We’ll get to that in a minute, though. With a new house, a new babysitter, and a new school to go to, there were a lot of changes in my life all at once. I was lucky that our next door neighbor had a son who was my age, and his name was Brendan. We were pretty much inseparable from the moment we met. Our school was just down the street from where we lived, so we’d walk to school together every day. He always held my hand. We were in the same class, so we spent a lot of time together at school, too. He introduced me to all his friends, and they became my friends, too. During the summer months we’d go from playing in the in-ground pool in my back yard to spending nights sleeping in the treehouse in his back yard. It was a really nice treehouse, and we even had a mattress up there to sleep on when the weather was nice. He wasn’t Spencer, and I missed her horribly, but my relationship with Bren was somehow deeper. We connected on a level greater than just being best friends. I can’t really describe it. I think I was 12 the first time I saw Danielle and her boyfriend having sex in Daddy’s bed. I’d just gotten home from school, and her boyfriend got to the house the same time I did. Danielle got me and Ashley a snack, and then told me to watch Ashley for a little while. Then she disappeared down the hall with her boyfriend. I heard the moaning and sounds of pleasure from the living room, and I was curious. I told Ashley to stay where she was, then I went to go see what was going on. I carefully opened the door to see Danielle riding her boyfriend like a pony. I stood there and just watched for a couple of minutes until her boyfriend realized I was there. They both yelled at me to go away and close the door, so I did. But I had already seen the expressions of pure pleasure and was even more curious. It happened several more times over the course of about six months. Each time they’d yell at me to go away, and afterwards they’d come out and swear me to secrecy. They might have gotten away with it longer, except one day it was Ashley who walked in on them instead of me. She told Daddy, and Daddy fired Danielle on the spot. After Daddy fired Danielle, he sat down with both Ashley and me to discuss what we’d seen. Neither one of us knew to be embarrassed by the conversation, so we talked freely. I expressed interest in knowing what it felt like. Daddy told me that I had to be older before I could enjoy making love with anyone. But, nonetheless, he started me on birth control immediately. I had started my period at 12, so he wanted to make sure that my curiosity didn’t bring me home pregnant way too soon. And it would have. Because that summer I got Bren alone in his treehouse and we started exploring each other’s bodies. It started off as simply getting naked and touching each other. Exploring the differences in our bodies. A lot of mutual masturbation, too. Then one day I got Bren so hard he thought he was going to die. I think his balls were actually turning blue. So I suggested we try what I’d seen Danielle and her boyfriend doing. Bren ended up laying down on the mattress, and I moved to straddle him. Somehow we managed to have sex for the first time without either one of us really knowing what we were doing, and without it being a horrible experience. Sure, it hurt for me at first, but once we got going, it felt really, really good. It was the real beginning of our relationship turning intense. I’m sure Daddy knew immediately when I came home that night that Bren and me had had sex. He didn’t say anything about it, though. In fact, the subject didn’t come up again until I was 16 years old. That’s when Daddy told me that Bren and me were too intense, and he was worried that I’d never date anyone else. He didn’t want us getting married and then divorcing because we’d never been with anyone else. I’d never thought about that. Bren was all I’d ever wanted, and all I knew I wanted for the future. But Daddy was scared for us. He was the one who made me break up with Bren right before our junior year of high school. I told Bren exactly what Daddy had told me to stay, and apparently with a lot more conviction than I actually felt. I told him we had to break up because our relationship was too intense. I needed to date other people and be with other guys, so that I’d know if what we had was real or not. Daddy had told me that I needed to make it for two years, but I told Bren one year. I said, if we both dated other people for a year, but still couldn’t live without each other, then I’d get back together with him. Bren was devastated and I was heart broken over causing it. Then he went and graduated early so he could join the marines. I was terrified that I’d never see him again. I did date other people, but I didn’t sleep with any of them. And none of the relationships lasted more than a few months. All I wanted was Bren. I spent a lot of time on the phone with Spencer during those nine months Bren was in bootcamp. She kept reassuring me that he’d come home safe, but I was terrified of never seeing him again. Bren surprised me when he came back two days before I started my senior year. I was absolutely in shock when I saw him standing at the door in his uniform. He hadn’t even gone to his parents’ house to see them yet. I about pounced Bren right then and there. The scrawny, afro headed boy that I’d known just a year ago was gone. In his place was a ripped, buzzed and incredibly hot man. Bren did get to see his family before I drug him off, but once we were alone, we made love until we had rush me home to beat curfew. Three weeks later I realized that I hadn’t gotten my period yet. I ran out for a home pregnancy test, then sat anxiously while I waited for the results. I was so happy when it came out positive. But I didn’t tell Bren right away. Instead, I made a doctor’s appointment to confirm the pregnancy. Once I was positive, I told Bren and we told my father. Dad took the news amazingly well. So did Bren’s parents, actually. The next day our parents escorted us to the courthouse to sign the papers so we could get married. Then, the day after that, we got married at the college my mom used to teach at. Dad took me shopping that morning for a wedding gown, and Ashley was our flower girl. Spencer was my maid of honor, despite her parents’ protest about going to an underage teen’s wedding. One of Bren’s little cousins was our ring bearer. We invited both of our families and our friends — who then invited their friends, who invited their friends… The chapel could hold 200 people. There were over 300 because three quarters of my senior class was there. And not all of them were happy for us. But, that night after the reception at my dad’s house, we went home to our first apartment. As I mentioned, not everyone was happy about Bren and me get married. Everyone had seen him bring me to school every day and pick me up, and the cheerleaders were all dumping their boyfriends left and right so they’d have a chance with Bren. I was told on more than one occasion during those first three weeks of school that Bren was going to dump me for someone else. I always laughed and walked away, because I knew that Bren didn’t even see anyone other than me. But then, the day after the wedding, I went to school with two beautiful rings on my finger and an infinity heart necklace that Bren had gotten for me. The cheerleaders were furious. The whole squad surrounded me at lunch and beat the shit out of me. I had a black eye, busted lip, and a broken arm by the time they were done with me. All of them were suspended for three days and banned from our school’s first five football games, I was told to go back to class because I hadn’t thrown any punches. We found out about the broken arm later that night when the pain drove me to the hospital. Thankfully, things calmed down at school fairly quickly. The cheerleaders kept their distance, and I had fun with my friends while working to beat Bren’s 4.6 GPA. I was in all honors classes, so there was hope. There wasn’t any time taken off with our daughter was born. Bren made sure that he was on leave to be with me when she was born. That was on March 21, 2000. We named her Kaitlyn Marie Whittaker. She was a beautiful baby, and perfectly healthy. We counted all her fingers and toes almost immediately after she was born. Kaity was born on a Friday. The following Monday I was back in class and making the cheerleaders sick. That Monday I wore my pre-pregnancy clothes back to school. I only weighed two pounds more than I had before I got pregnant. The cheerleaders hated me with a passion, but they stayed away. Our parents helped with childcare while I finished high school. And Spencer was Kaity’s godmother when we got her baptized. Then, the following Fall, we packed up and moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts so that I could attend Harvard University. That’s where I wanted to go for my whole college career. Boston and Cambridge are really expensive places to live, and at that point, Bren wasn’t making very much money. We had a one bedroom apartment in a shady area of town. The only reason I was able to go to school was because our childcare was subsidized by the marines. But we made it work. Neither one of us were going to give up our dreams just because we had a child so early in our lives. Although Kaity always came first. Our second child, also completely unplanned, came while I was working on my master’s degree. Bren was put on a super secret special ops team, and he was making a lot more money. We went from a tiny one bedroom apartment to a five bedroom house once Bren got on the team. Our son, Benjamin Tyler Whittaker, was born during the summer between classes. He was born on June 6, 2006. This time I took a semester off so that I could be with both the kids for a while. Then, when it was time to go back to school, both the kids went to daycare. I was able to finish a three year program in 30 months. The moment I graduated, I was being recruited into the Cambridge Police Department. I went through all the training I needed to, and then became an active detective in the homicide department. That was my dream come true. Shortly after I started working for the Cambridge PD, Daddy called and asked if we’d be interested in him retiring out in the Boston area with us. I didn’t have to think for an answer before I said yes. I was always close to Daddy, and I loved him dearly. I wanted the kids to be close to him, too. Ashley had just graduated high school and was going off to college, so Daddy was really free to go wherever he wanted to. Despite me suggesting that Ash should go to Harvard, she decided she wanted to go to MIT and get a degree through them for something in computers. I really don’t know what she does. It’s something that protects the government’s computers from hackers or something. She’s tried to explain it to me, but I’m not really the best person with a computer. At least, not a Windows based computer. But it meant that both of us were going to be on the East Coast, anyway. So Daddy came and stayed with us for a while until he found a house of his own just a couple miles away. The kids loved the time he was with us. He spoiled them absolutely rotten. And I enjoyed it, too. Being close to my dad again was awesome. He’s been a big part of our lives again since he moved out here. The kids spend at least one weekend a month with their Grandpa. Over the past eight years Bren and me have been working our jobs and raising our kids. We fell into a routine of some sort, despite Bren being gone for a couple weeks at a time sometimes. My schedule has always been just as unreliable, but we made it work. And every time Bren was sent off, I would spend every night talking to Spencer. She continually reassured me that Bren would made it home safely. He’d never disappoint me by getting himself killed. I wish I’d know the hell she was going through. I would have given her more attention than I did. But, at the time, all I could see was my fear for Bren. Every once in a while Daddy comments that he’s surprised Bren and me are still just as in love as we were at 10 years old. More so actually. I was glad when, in 2015, Bren told me that he was going to be retiring soon. He had January 1, 2016 pegged as his retirement date. And he’d saved up so much leave time that he was actually able to quit working a month before his retirement date. Once I knew that Bren was retiring, I told my boss that I was gonna do the same. Although, my decision was in part because I was pregnant again. I wanted to be home with the new baby. Enjoy raising him or her with Bren from the beginning through college. Bren was excited when I told him that I was pregnant again, and that I was retiring from the force. We were both very happy and really looking forward to the future. Then something unexpected happened… I had just dropped the kids off at school when my car was surrounded by a bunch of black SUVs. I was snagged from my car, blindfolded, and shoved into the back of one of the SUVs. Then something was injected into my arm to completely knock me out. I didn’t know what was going on or who these people were, but the next thing I knew, I was in a lab somewhere. I found out over the course of about two weeks that they were a genetics lab, and that they wanted me because I was pregnant and tied to Bren’s team. They kidnapped Bren’s team leader, Kyle, too. For two weeks we were guinea pigs until the team was able to rescue us. I went home to Bren and just cried. As soon as I got home, I made an appointment with my doctor to make sure the baby was okay. That’s when we got the news that I was AIDS positive. Not HIV positive. AIDS positive. Bren was tested as soon as my diagnosis came in. He was HIV positive by that point. It took some frantic phone calls and a seriously upheaved night to find someone who could help us. To make a long and complicated story short, the viruses have been cleared from our systems and weren't having one baby — we were having identical twin boys. I was also told that I’m immortal for all intents and purposes. Which is perfectly fine with me, because Bren is too. We always feared what would happen when I grew old and died. Now we can be together forever. Shortly after our family drama cooled down, Spencer called me to tell me that her and her husband had gotten a divorce. He wanted her and their two kids out of the house immediately. She asked if she could come stay with us, and I immediately said yes. I didn’t even bother to ask Bren. That evening Spencer and her two kids — 10 year old Kevin, and 4 month old Casey — were landing at the Boston airport. I drove out to get them and brought them home. On the way Spencer and me talked about what had happened. She’d been in an unhappy marriage for 15 years, since she got married. She was glad it was over, but scared for her kids. While I was bringing Spencer and the kids home, Bren was calling his twin brother to come out and entertain Spencer. What none of us expected was that Spencer and Jackson would fall in love, or that Spencer would get pregnant with Jackson’s child their first night together. There has been a lot that’s happened. Spencer’s family disowned her. My dad adopted her after we found out that Spencer is actually Daddy’s niece and my cousin. It’s been crazy, but the waters are calming. Things are settling down again, and I think we’re all in much better places because of it. Our twin boys — Brenner and Brennan — came into the world on July 15, 2016. The pregnancy was completely uneventful with the exception of the kidnapping at the beginning of it. Both our boys were born healthy and perfect. It was a c-section delivery, which was my first delivery that way, but it was safer for them to be born that way. Safer for me, too. It was strange, though. If we have any more children after the twins, they’re being born traditionally, because it just felt like I missed out on something really special by giving birth through a surgical team. Still, they were perfect at birth, and they’re perfect now. It was definitely an adjustment to raising babies again. It’d been 10 years since we’d had a baby in the house. But having Bren there with me, helping me and doing it together, it’s been the most magical experience. I love all my children, but I’m enjoying the twins more than I ever got to enjoy Kaity or Benji. I guess that’s the benefit of being able to retire so young and still able to have my own children. But this is where things are now. Two children nearly grown and two more just starting off. Bren and I couldn’t be more happy. Daddy is happy for us, too. Ashley just got married a few years ago. Her and her husband had a baby boy back in November 2015. And now I have a new sister who I’ve loved to death since we were born. My family actually feels really complete right now. Life is good for all of us. The future is bright, and we’re all enjoying every moment that we have to us. I’m really looking forward to having Bren by my side all the time for the rest of our lives. I think it’ll be heaven.
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